Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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