i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
