This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
