Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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