I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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