yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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