The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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