No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
