My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
