He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
