i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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