when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
