I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
