wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
