so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
