Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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