i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
