Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
