When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
