his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
