What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
