The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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