I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
