i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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