He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
