he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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