so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
