Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god it's open bar.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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