my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
