She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
