I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
