just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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