Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
