just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
