He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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