dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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