The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
