I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
