he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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