i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
