We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
