How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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