I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
