My liver just broke up with me...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
