apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
