she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
