I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
