thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You have to summon your inner elephant
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
