I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
