Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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