As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
